The Almighty Baddest
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: Zim gets help from new aliens whom he believes might actually like him. But do they?


Chapter 1: Zim Meets the Almighty Baddest

One day ZIM was taking GIR out for a stroll down the street.

"What a 'lovely' day for a stroll down this filthy human infested street eh, GIR?" said Zim.

"I luvvid filthy humans. I luvvid them" said GIR.

"Well, it just so happens GIR, that I don't. I think we need to take control of their lives. I think that they are too stupid to think for themselves. I think they need the superior leadership of ZIM!" yelled Zim.

"I'm eatin' a hamburger, lewk at me" said GIR, stuffing a hamburger into his mouth. The burger squashed against his face and it became covered in condiments and meat.

"Foolish GIR, that is not how one consumes a meat substance. Observe the correct way" said Zim. Zim picked up the burger and placed it on his hand. It dissolved into his skin.

"You see GIR? That is the Irken way to absorb nutrient larva. Now if you don't mind, I say we both head on home, it's getting rather late and you need to have your metal waxed and polished for tomorrow night" said ZIM.

"Why Zimmy? What we gonna do tomorrow night?" asked GIR.

"The same thing we do every night GIR. Try to conquer the HUMANS! Man, I swear I heard something similar to that on Earth TV. I must be being brainwashed by human propaganda" said ZIM.

"Propoganda? Dats a big wuuurd" moaned GIR.

Later that evening...

Zim and Gir were sitting on a bench. It was raining.

"You know GIR, it's a long walk back home sometimes...it's good that we can get a rest here at this quaint little bench" said ZIM.

"Say Zim, I been wonderin' how come sometime u name is in all caps and other times it isn't?" asked Gir.

"Oh, I don't know Gir. I guess I was molded that way. The point is Gir, is that it's good that we can rest for what good does it do-eth a man to not have rest? He is unable to conquer a civilization that is for sure" said Zim.

"Civilization sound so yummy" said Gir.

"Yes, Gir. I agree. It sure does" said Zim, slouching his head down. Zim fell asleep next to Gir.

Ten minutes later...Dib walks by, with a big bucket of rainwater. He pours it over the heads of Zim and Gir.

"Oh, man you two are such losers. You actually had an advantage Zim. No one can tell you're an alien. You should have been able to totally conquer Earth by now. But you haven't have you? Nehnehnehneh" said Dib.

"It's you! The dib! It isn't very becoming of you to be declaring victory so soon. Just you wait, Dib. I will conquer your filthy wormy planet of pork grind. I will!" said Zim.

"No you won't times infinity Zim. If you so much as even try, I'll fire mah laser BLAH!" yelled Dib.

"That last thing he said made no sense" Zim thought to himself. "Could he be talking about an earth defense system?" he wondered. Dib laughed to himself, kicked Zim in the squeedily spooch and walked off.

"OW, ow, my squeedily spooch. Well, I guess I'd better head home now before more Dib bullies show up" said Zim. So Zim went back to his underground lab to do some 'research'

Back in Zim's underground lab facility:

"It 2013 Zim. Give it up!" said Gir.

"I won't give it up just yet! I just require some assistance" said Zim.

"What dat Zim? I bet it taste like a pig!" said Gir.

"No Gir, assistance means HELP. And help is just what I need. Gir what are you doing?" asked Zim.

"I called 911. You said you needed help" said Gir.

"Gir, all that's going to do is bring the Earth authorities here. And if they see that I'm what they term an 'alien' who knows what they'll do to me! Come Gir, to the Voot cruiser, we need to go back into space" said Zim.

"Where we goin'? Mcdonalds?" asked Gir.

"No Gir. We're going to find a new planet to inhabit. Only so we can get advice. Then we'll come back here" replied Zim.

"Don't call the Tallest. Dey don't give a can of poop about youuu" said Gir.

"I've actually come to learn that you know" said Zim. So Zim and Gir got into their spaceship and blasted off into the stars. Meanwhile the earth authorities showed up and arrested Zim's robot bee since no one else was there to arrest.

Later...

"Gir, can you sing that old song you used to sing? It totally annoys me but I'm feeling rather nostalgic about our past together" said Zim.

"Okay. Doom doom doom doom doom Doomy doomy doom, dooooom, doom doomdy doom dee doom doom!" sang Gir. Zim was started to grow weary of it.

"Alright, that's enough. Now, according to my research, the first most likely planet we could get help is The Planet of the Blobs" said Zim. So Zim and Gir traveled to the Planet of the Blobs.

Zim landed on the planet. It was a rocky desert like planet that looked barren and deserted, similar to Mars only this planet really did have life forms on it. Little blobs to be exact.

"bleeeep, blop, blorch" said one blob.

"Really? That's interesting. You are a goldmine of info! Where exactly is the Irken Princess being held?" asked Zim. Gir kicked Zim.

"Oh, that's right. I was going to ask you what is the best way to conquer and or enslave a planet?" asked Zim.

"BLORBICH, bleech, ask bleebits of Grezlar, bleech" replied the blob.

"Ah, ask the inhabitants of Planet Grezlar? Is that what my Blobbish to Irken translator just read? Then it's off to Grezlar then! BEHOLD, I AM ZIM!" yelled Zim, blasting off into the stars.

Hours later, Zim lands on Planet Grezlar. He sees toxic waste and pollution everywhere, as well as giant buildings and castles and towers generating power.

"Wow what a marvelous place. I think I shall go inside one of these buildings" said Zim. He was stopped by two robot guards.

"Please provide some identification please" said one robot guard. Zim smiled, and chuckled.

"I AM ZIM! What better identification is there?" asked Zim. The two robots glanced at each other.

"We have no idea. You may proceed!" said the robots in unison. Zim made his way to the top of the building and saw two reptilian beings, cackling to each other and eating pretzels with sardines on top.

"I think I see someone" one being whispered in the others ear.

"WHO GOES THERE? I am Zasher the Great Evil Dragon Lord" said Zasher, one of the beings. He was a tall horned purple dragon-like humanoid with a long black cape. He began playing electric guitar and screaming "heck yeah" over and over, while Zim watched in confusion. The other reptilian being, a red hooded magic wand wielding veiled green lizard man appropriately named Vale approached Zim and began introducing himself in a creepy yet humerous crinkly voice.

"My name is Vale, pleasure to be of your aquaintence, green one. Welcome to Planet Grezlar, me and Zasher take great pride in ruling over this planet, we like to conside ourselves The Almighty Baddest" said Vale.

"Why would you take pride in ruling over it? It looks like a gratified city cesspool" said Zim.

"We can only survive in extremely polluted landmasses. We love polluted land, air, and water" said Vale. Zim looked disturbed.

"Okay, I see. Well, based on what you know about conquering planets, what would you suggest is the best way?" asked Zim.

"First and foremost, who are you anyway?" asked Vale.

"I AM ZIM!" said Zim. Zasher and Vale exchanged glances looking perplexed.

"We're reptilian overlords kid. What are you doing here? If you don't tell us, we'll kill you, you must be army personnel since you got past the guards but I don't recognize you, who the hell are you, some sort of spy or something?" said Zasher.

"I am ZIM. Need I say more? I know of no personnel of which you speak. I just want to know the best way to conquer a planet and I thought I would ask you two as my research indicated you would be experts! Also my friends the Almighty Tallest don't like me...And they're like my only so called friends! So, what is the best way to conquer a planet?" asked Zim.

"THROUGH MILITARY MIGHT!" thundered Zasher.

"THROUGH OUR COMBINED POWER!" yelled Vale.

"Through song!" said Zasher.

We're Zasher and Vale, that ain't no epic fail.

We'll enslave your little planet, put all your peeps in jail.

If ya give us your souls, then we'll let em out on bail.

We are the Dark Lords of Evil, and you ain't the luckiest sheeple

IF your planet falls victim to the rhythm...OF ZASHER...AND...VAAAAAAAALE!

"That was a really amazing song, bravo!" said Zim clapping his hands.

"Here's my album bro" said Zasher, tossing Zim a CD container.

"Yes, thanks but..what is the best way to take over the world?" asked Zim.

"Heheh, no through vlack vagic and psychological influences" said Vale.

"Vlack vagic? Don't you mean black magic? And what sort of psychological influences are you speaking of? By the way, I wanted to show you something, it's a picture of a chicken running around with a bucket on its beak! It seems all the humans are obsessed over this picture" said Zim.

"Ahh, vat is a veme" said Vale.

"A veme?" asked Zim.

"That stupid skink face Vale. I think Little Red Riding reptoid is talking about what is commonly referred to as a meme!" said Zasher.

"What exactly is a meme?" asked Zim.

"The definitions vary my dear, but it is a cultural transmission of sorts that can have great influence over society. However zat picture of a chicken with a bucket on its beak would never have won over any planet I can think of" said Vale.

"Yeah, humans are pretty dumb. So I guess with these 'memes of evil' I should be able to conquer humanity in one fell swoop" said Zim.

"I can use magic to create a meme out of every human emotion, thoughtform, and expression one could possibly emulate, if you give me enough time!" said Vale.

Ten minutes later, Vale developed a machine that could transmit any image of anything onto a computer. He gave the machine to Zim.

"HAHAHAAA! Now I'm unstoppable!" yelled Zim. Gir began hugging Zasher.

"I luvvid you Dark Lord Zasher. I luvvid you" said Gir. Zasher picked up Gir and threw him against the wall.

"YOU STUPID REPULSIVE SEA URCHIN! GET OUT OF HERE!" yelled Zasher.

"Remember, we really do think you're adorable, Mr. Zim, unlike the Almighty Tallest!" said Vale.

Zim and Gir blasted off back to Earth, with the enchanted hypno software containing every human emotion generated into memes. With the software came an option to make an ultimate meme appear on the computer screen of everyone on Earth. Zim landed on Earth back in town. Dib approached Zim.

"Before you make fun of me Dib monkey, I'd like to point out that you look really funny making fun of me!" said Zim showing Dib a holographic display of Dib mocking Zim. Dib started laughing.

"Hey, I guess you're right. That's funny Zim!" said Dib who could not control his laughter. Zim then pulled out his computer and used the software. Within seconds everyone on earth was hysterical.

"I think I'll walk down the street!" said Zim. "This should be pretty funny"

Ten minutes later...

A person walks by Zim.

"Have you seen the guy balancing the grapefruit on his head meme? It's so funny!" said one person.

"Have you seen the guy going to the grocery store meme? It's so freakin' hysterical it makes me want to not even shop for groceries! It captures the essence of me at the grocery store SO FREAKING WELL" said another person.

"YES! I, ZIM NOW HAVE complete control of you humans. Wait, or do the memes have control. Ok humans, do as I say. Does this meme revolution not make you quiver with anticipation of your new leader ZIM? Do you not understand how meaningless and downright silly human emotions were? Surely you must all now follow my lead, the lead of ZIM!" yelled Zim. Dib began pursuing Zim down the street.

"I know what you're doing Zim! You're replacing humanity with meme monkey junkies" said Dib.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I thought that's what they were. Not to mention I now have the Almighty Baddest on my side" said Zim. Just then a little boy poked Dib on the shoulder.

"The Dib Stopping Zim's Evil Scheme Meme is so retarded!" said the boy.

"IT IS NOT! Hey look everyone, I'm really eating a sandwich" said Dib pulling out a turkey sandwich from his lunchbox and eating it. Dib looked so funny eating the sandwich that everyone stared at him in awe.

"DIB, YOU ARE SO AWESOME!" yelled the people. Zim looked puzzled.

To be continued...


End file.
